Another Country.
I’m not sure where to begin but I am aware I need to start. Somewhere, anywhere. Anywhere but here.
I woke up with a thirst for an escape plan; run. For the hills, for the beach, the moon, somewhere I can remember what I can’t unsee and let go of what I thought I saw in the mirage. We waited with bated breath for an answer we’ve always had.
No one has ever really wanted to be free. Instead, we spend our time creating reasons to divide and justify our behavior as righteous. We wage war on each other in the names of our Gods, our ancestors, our myths, our dreams. I often wonder who we would be if we valued each other as much as our values.
Everything that speaks desires to be heard, but only winners get to tell the story. The winner takes it all, the loser standing small. And so, we claw for the mic, leaving bodies in our wake as we pursue the podium. And that morning, all I saw were bodies and all I heard was the screaming of the righteous.
It has never been more true that the world I want to live in is held together by the love and passion of very few people. But it is also true that love and passion are not reserved for any one group or person and the world I want to live in is not a universal desire. Love and passion are weapons of mass destruction with the power to turn history’s pages, reshape generations, and bend destiny according to our own will.
Certainly, love and passion played a hand in where we are now. Perhaps, that's the whole reason we are here. But this is not the world I want to live in.
Love has never been a popular movement.
So much of the last 48 hours for me has been about reconciling the void between what I dreamed we could be and where we really are. The mountainous gap, a valley where I now plant my feet, and I force myself to remember what I cannot unsee.
We awoke November 6th to an answer we’ve always had: This is our country. What we are looking at, is us. And we have to contend with that. City and flatlands, mountains and sea, arts and science, conspiracy and fact, conquer and conquest, siege and sage, terror and peace, crop and corporate, haves and have nots, owner and slave. This is our country.
At some point in this journey to today, we abandoned “agree to disagree” which has always left room for acceptance of variation in opinion, doctrine, praxis and ways of living. Instead, we disagree to disagree. Not only can we not have differences, but we believe without objection that we all know what is best for each other and treat opposing sides akin to badly behaved children. “I’m going to protect you, whether you like it or not”.
Who will protect us from ourselves? Who will save us from us, if not us?
What we must remember is that everyone we’re looking at is also us. You could be that person. You could be that monster, you could be that cop, you could be swathed in the flag scaling the Capitol of the United States, clawing for the chance to be heard. And we didn’t listen. When they screamed, we didn’t listen. When they fought, kicked, gnawed, we didn’t listen. When they voted, we didn’t listen. But they have the mic now... Everything that speaks, desires to be heard.
When we ignore the cries of those who feel neglected, unheard, and undervalued, we cultivate our greatest enemies. As a member of the global majority, I know this story well. It’s the story of my grandmother and her grandmother too. And this is not to compare or weigh each other’s pain, at the end of the day, all sins smell the same to God. But I find myself today considering where we might be now, had we all taken more time to listen to each other.
I often wonder who we would be if we valued each other as much as our values. It would require us to relinquish this idea that we all must be in one accord to thrive and force us to lead with unconditional love, which for many of us is too high a cost. Who would we be if we all laid down our armor?
But love has never been a popular movement. And no one has ever really wanted to be free.
Because if that were true, there would be no caveats to who gets what and when. There would be no asterisks, amendments, and certainly no parentheticals. Freedom demands surrender. Freedom is careful carelessness. Freedom requires sacrifice of the self, for the many, for the self.
It’s only when we are all free to be, that we can all be free.
“Love has never been a popular movement. And no one’s ever wanted, really, to be free. The world is held together, really it is held together, by the love and the passion of a very few people. Otherwise, of course, you can despair. Walk down the street of any city, any afternoon, and look around you. What you’ve got to remember is what you’re looking at is also you. Everyone you’re looking at is also you. You could be that person. You could be that monster, you could be that cop. And you have to decide, in yourself, not to be”
